Hide and Seek
by despommes
Summary: From the moment his heart stopped beating, the world never did turn quite the same way it used to. Spoilers for R2 Turn 25
1. Wounds

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Fucking shit. It's been two weeks and I still can't stop BAWWW'ing after every piece of sad fanart I see. So, I kicked my mind in the ass and told it to help me grow a heart. This is what was spat out.

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This wasn't happening, no it wasn't. There was no way any human being could suffer this much. The human heart could not possibly feel this destroyed, this bloody, this _broken_.

He stumbled through the door, slamming it shut. He ripped the helmet off of his face. Threw it, angrily, into a corner. Then he cursed himself. That had been _Lelouch's_. _Lelouch's_ helmet. Zero's helmet. He would wear it now, for the rest of his life. He was Zero now.

His legs did not want to move. The tears on his chin coursed warmly down his neck, sliding down his collarbone. What did he do to deserve this? What person, any person, could do something so horrible that earned them this grief, this anger, this hell? He had done everything he possibly could to atone for his sins. And what had that done for him? Every person he'd ever loved… His father, Euphie, Lelouch… All dead and gone.

Suzaku tried to get up. He really did. His arms reached out to grab at something, the couch, the end table, the lamp, anything. But when he moved, pain thundered through his chest. It held his heart in a crimson vice grip until he was curled on the ground, a ball of hurt, miserable sadness. He tried to move, but it hurt _so fucking much_. Sobs ripped through his lungs until they spilled from his mouth. His chest heaved. It was his own devastating voice that echoed against the walls. The walls of Zero's, _Lelouch's_ room. His room.

"Lelouch!" he called, his voice cracked and mangled. "Why me, Lelouch?! Why…?" _Why, why, why, why, WHY?!_

Why couldn't it have been him? Why did it have to be Lelouch, his strong, cold Lelouch? His best friend, his sworn enemy, his first love? How did this happen?

It couldn't have been any other way. He knew that. It was better this way. The whole world had been returned to itself. There would finally be peace. Even if it wouldn't last, there would be peace. Suzaku let out a strangled, pained cry. He couldn't bear it. He couldn't take the thought of the peace Lelouch fought so hard for to be in vain. The peace that he had died for. The peace Suzaku had killed him for.

He could still feel the blood on his hands. It made him sick. With a vicious yell, he yanked the gloves off of his hands with his teeth, but then held them to his heart, tears spotting the dark leather. These had been _Lelouch's _gloves. They had been on _Lelouch's_ pretty, ivory hands. Zero had killed millions with these gloves. Lelouch had given them to Suzaku with that sad, melancholy smile on his pale lips.

_Lelouch…_

…_Yes, Suzaku?_

_The suit. It… It still smells like you._

_Ah… I see. Would you like me to wash it one last time before I hand it over to you for good?_

_N-no! It's… It's fine…_

"Oh, god…"

The fucking suit still smelled like him. Suzaku clutched his knees, the pain in his heart starting to swell until he was convinced his organ had actually burst and was now bleeding freely in his chest. The scent of juniper and raspberries drowned his senses. _Lelouch's_ scent. He felt the blistering hurt rise in his throat. He wrapped the cape around his shoulders, nose greedily inhaling the perfumed air. He didn't want to forget, no he never wanted to forget…

Those pretty, pretty violet eyes smiling at him against the sunlight. Those slender, pretty fingers on his face, running over his eyelids, his lips. That heavenly, silvery voice calling his name, laughing, singing to him when he thought Suzaku was asleep. The deep, sweet taste of those pale, barely chapped lips. He would literally give _anything_ to see, hear, feel, or taste any of these things again. He'd go wherever, kill whoever, find whatever it took.

When he finally did get up, his body groaned in protest. He somehow made it to the bed at the other side, Zero's bed, _Lelouch's _bed. His whole body trembled as he slid the suit off of his body, over his arms and down his legs. It was carefully folded and lovingly placed atop the nightstand. He put the cape back on, though. It tore at the wound, ripping it anew and causing the blood to flow fresh, but he wanted whatever comfort he could access. And right now, it was the ghost of Lelouch's scents, raspberries and summer herbs. The fuchsia smells sent sobs down his spine, his ribcage spasming with his tears.

If there was a god, he wouldn't let Suzaku wake up the next morning. He would let him die like he was, wrapped up in the memory and love of someone he wouldn't live without. And in the morning, Nunnally would grieve, but he could care less at that point. He didn't want to wake up to sunlight and people smiling and the world rejoicing. He didn't want to see a new world. If it was a world without Lelouch, he didn't care to keep living.

In the midst of the night, Suzaku Kururugi fell asleep. The next morning, his heart died and withered away as he saw the faces of former Brittanians, laughing and celebrating the death of their emperor, and the birth of the new world.

Behind the mask, he wept.

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Fuck, I cried while writing this. That has never happened.

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	2. Oniisama

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I never really liked any of the female characters from Code Geass, except for Cecile, but Nunnally is by far one of the sweetest characters in the history of anime. She was one of my favorite characters in the whole show, and her final scene broke my heart into billions of little pieces. So, here we go.

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_Onii-sama…_

Outside, the rain ran down her windows in thick, clear rivulets. She gazed at it. For years, she'd wanted nothing more than to open her eyes and see the world. To see the sunlight shine through the clouds and set the Earth alight. She'd longed to watch birds fly through the sky, twirling through the air with each other and not a care in the world. She wished to see flowers, in all their beautiful colors and forms, sitting in their vases on tables or windowsills.

But now, she wanted to close her eyes on the world and never see again. What kind of world was it without her big brother? Her eyes, big and bright—a captivating blue-tinged violet—were useless.

_Onii-sama, I love you…_

When they were small, he would fret over her. At the chateau, before the passing of their mother, he was like a hen constantly after its chick. If she went outside without her shoes, he would run to her with them in his hands, calling her name. When she fell, even if she did not cry out, he would be by her side in but a moment to help her up and try her tears. If she hid too long during a game of hide and seek, he frantically tore up the rooms of whatever wing they played in until he uncovered his mischievous baby sister. Maybe she had been a little mean to him. But she would smile at him, throw her little arms around his middle and squeeze. And she would not let go until he embraced her in return.

_Onii… Onii-sama!_

After their mother was killed, and they were sent to live with Kururugi Genbu and his son, he never left her side. She was blind and crippled, and most of all, scared. The world was suddenly a dark, frightening place. In that time, the last thing she had seen was her mother's bloody, broken body sprawled over her in an attempt to shield her from an unknown assailant. She remembered Lelouch's scream before the entire world went and stayed black. But then they were in Japan, and she spent her days with Lelouch and a boy she'd come to know as Suzaku, Lelouch's age but stronger and more blunt than her brother. Although Suzaku was harsh towards Lelouch in the beginning, he never, ever raised his voice or used hurtful words with Nunnally. When Lelouch complained about how rude and horrid that blasted Japanese boy was, Nunnally never could see just what was so bad about him. He always spoke to her with a kind smile in his voice and didn't hesitate to give her his firm, warm hand when she asked for it.

_No! Onii-sama, open your eyes!_

Then the Brittanians invaded. Kururugi Genbu was killed. They were separated. Lelouch and Nunnally were sent to live with a wealthy prestigious Brittanian family, the Ashfords. They would be cared for and receive schooling from the Ashford family. They never knew what became of Suzaku. There they spent a moderately happy seven years, going to school and being with friends. Millay Ashford was a strange, eccentric girl, but Nunnally liked her. Lelouch tolerated her, although she got to be a bit much at times. Nunnally's heart trembled when she heard that Suzaku had been suspected of murdering their older brother, Clovis. Her breath caught in her throat, but she didn't believe a word of it. Suzaku would never murder anybody. Not the Suzaku she knew.

Then, Zero appeared. A cloaked, masked man, claiming to be the aide to those who were weak, and the downfall of those who abused power. He arrived and said that it was not Suzaku who murdered Clovis, but him. Nunnally was not quite sure of what happened, but Suzaku had been cleared of the charge, and when she held his hand in hers again she could do nothing to stop the tears that welled up in her unseeing eyes. His palm was rougher and his fingers longer, but it was still the gentle, safe touch she remembered. That night, when Lelouch tucked her into her bed, she grinned happily and kissed his cheek, telling him how happy she was that Suzaku was all right, and that they had found him again.

_Onii-sama!_

Word of Zero raced through Area 11. Nunnally thought she'd grow sick with news of this tyrant that plundered Brittania and saved the innocent all the same. As long as she and her brother were together, with Suzaku, she was happy. Those months were the happiest she had ever known. But it didn't take long for her to grow lonely again. Because of Zero's frequent activities, Suzaku was forced to spend more and more time at his job in the Brittanian military. She worried for him every time he left. But she also worried for her brother. His nighttime outings would last longer and longer, and often enough he wouldn't come home at all. At night she grew sick with fear, that he had been caught up in one of Zero's escapades, that he was dead or hurt somewhere, far away from her. But then he would come home, apologizing profusely for his absence. He never did tell her where he went. But as long as he came home, she could never stay angry.

One day, Euphie visited her. She had been thrilled. Euphie had always been a favorite of their siblings, after Lelouch, of course. It was on the day of the school festival, and they had tea while remembering days at the chateau together. She thought she had been too small to recall anything, but she remembered. When Euphie died, she couldn't believe it. Euphie had always been so sweet and loving. Nunnally decided at that moment that she hated Zero. Another sibling of hers was dead, at his hand. From then on, it had been a blur. The attack on the Tokyo Settlement, Zero's capture and execution, Schneizel coming for her. She was taken to the homeland, Brittania, and she every question she asked about Lelouch was ignored. At night, she would cry in frustration and dread of the worst. That he had died in the attack.

Almost a year later, she received a phone call. From Suzaku, saying that Lelouch was there, and that he wanted to talk to her. Her heartbeat leapt in her chest. She hung desperately to the receiver, asking for her brother, and for a few agonizing moments, she received no answer. But then she heard Lelouch's voice on the other end, saying that he had to pretend he did not know who she was. Of course, her stomach dropped at that, but her brother, Lelouch, her beautiful brother was alive and she was talking to him. He told her he loved her, and that he missed her. But then his voice changed, and she was told she had the wrong person, that he did not have a sister. She wondered at that, but did not dwell on it. When Suzaku's voice came through the phone, he said he was sorry. Not long after that phone call, she had been made governess of Area 11.

_ONII-SAMA!_

Months passed. She spent them with Suzaku in her country, doing her best to get its people to accept her. Zero was back. Suzaku could not always be with her; as a Knight of Rounds, he was called away much of the time. After a long, long time, she thought she would never again see Lelouch. But, after a lengthy period of time without Suzaku, she got word of him. It seemed that her brother, Lelouch Lamperouge, had taken the throne as Lelouch vi Brittania, 99th Emperor of the Holy Brittanian Empire. She almost didn't believe it. How had he done it? It was not long before she was told of how he had deceived the world. Geass. The power of kings. It was not until she finally faced her brother, the key to Damocles in her hands, did she ever think her brother would ever intentionally break her heart. When she finally felt she was able to, she opened her eyes to see him.

Lelouch was so beautiful. He stood regally, in his white robes with his hands at his sides, gaping at her. She could finally see him; see his tall, thin body, his long arms and legs, his pale skin, his ebony hair, and his violet eyes. She looked into those amethyst orbs and could not believe that her brother, this brother, had done all those horrible things she had been told of. "Will you do it, onii-sama?" she asked. "Will you use your Geass on me?" He looked stricken. All color drained from his face as her eyes bore into his own. He took a step towards her. Then another. "Don't do it…" She felt her voice tremble. "Onii-sama, no…"

"_I, Lelouch vi Brittania, 99__th__ Emperor of the Holy Brittanian Empire, command you to give to me the key of Damocles._"

She resisted. For a moment. She tried to gain control of her actions, tried to close her eyes and _resist_. But she couldn't. In a blinding memory lapse, she smiled and held out the key towards him, her voice like honey. "_Here, Onii-sama. For you._" When she came to her senses, the key was gone from her hands and she didn't remember letting it go. But Lelouch was in front of her, the damned thing clutched in his milk-white fingers. What she saw was not her brother. She saw a monster. A murderer. And when he turned to leave, she screamed at him. She called him horrible things, told him she hated him. He did not turn to look at her. She cried as she fell from her wheelchair and crawled toward him in a futile attempt to stop him. Lelouch did not turn to see her tumble pitifully down the stairs. He did not see her bleed from scrapes nor did he see the dark bruises they left on her limp, feelingless legs.

_This is unfair! I would've been happy just being with you, onii-sama!_

She watched his body tumble down the ramp, sliding down before her like some unanimated, stringless puppet. Her eyes were wide as she touched his hand. Suddenly, she saw everything. His reason for all the horrible things he'd done. All the innocent people killed, all the lives destroyed, and all the tragedies to come. They had all been for her. And the man behind the mask, Suzaku, did this for her as well. She held his hand to her face, praying mentally that he would hold on just a little longer. She told him she loved him, and he spoke. "_I… create… worlds… destroy… worlds…_" And then his eyes closed in finale.

She cried out, screamed at him to open his eyes, wake up, stop joking around, this isn't funny, onii-sama, you're scaring me, open your eyes. But he didn't. She could vaguely hear Cornelia's voice, but she didn't pay any heed to what it was saying. She clutched Lelouch's bloodied robes, tears falling into the red.

"_I can't bear a future without you, onii-sama… I just can't…"_

She fell against her brother's chest and cried. The crowd around them chanted. "_Zero! Zero! Zero! Zero! Zero!_" She hated them. Could they not see that her brother was dead? Her only brother, her selfless, brave brother, had died for all of them. And they relished his death. His warm, vermillion blood covered her dress. She paid it no mind. All sensation disappeared as she wept into her brother's chest, which had ceased to rise and fall. There was no heartbeat against her cheek as she clutched him. She loved him then more than she ever loved him before, but it was too late. He had left her.

A hand touched her shoulder, startling her gently. She looked up to see Suzaku, smiling softly at her. The mask was gone from his face, but he wore the suit, gloves, and cloak that he was burdened with. She was glad he could be himself when he was with her.

"Lady Nunnally," he said quietly. "You're crying."

And she was. Her face was wet with tears she had not be been aware had fallen. "Oh… I am…" A gloved pair of gloved hands took her pretty face between them, the thumbs gently sweeping away the tears. Nunnally shut her eyes tight and threw her arms around Suzaku's neck. She buried her face into his chest and let the tears flow. She had long learned that nothing would stop them. She squeezed him, and did not stop until his arms wrapped around her and stayed there.

"It hasn't gotten any easier to forget for you either?" she murmured into his neck. His hold on her tightened, and she felt something wet against her collarbone.

"No," he whispered. "It hasn't."

A sad, heartbreaking smile found its way to Nunnally's lips. Hot tears fell into it. She kissed Suzaku's face softly, petting his curly hair.

"… I don't suppose it should…"

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… Gonna go play some FFXI…

I'm not crying…

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End file.
